


i'll sit and watch your car burn

by ghvsts



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew POV, Here we goooo, M/M, absolutely nothing happens, brief brief brief mentions of drake, living up to my username & writing an actual fic abt ghosts, no one else is really mentioned??, okay but like drake is in it but not really he's just there yknow, tilda can go?? away??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 09:42:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12208701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghvsts/pseuds/ghvsts
Summary: andrew's ghosts are loud and ever-present, but he isn't guilty about what he's done.





	i'll sit and watch your car burn

Andrew isn't guilty about what he's done. Every choice he's made has been with reason and calculation, and Andrew doesn't regret a thing, least of all the things he's done for his family.

Like Tilda.

He doesn't know why she bothers, why she appeared at his shoulder after the funeral he didn't bother to attend and hissed his in ear that Aaron will never forgive him for what he's done. As if that would do anything. Aaron could hate Andrew for the rest of their lives, regret the day he first reached out to his brother, but Andrew wouldn't undo it.  
It had been the only way to keep him safe, to stop her. Andrew _knows_ this. It doesn't matter it Aaron does. He had warned her. She knew what would happen if she didn't listen. Andrew has never broken a promise. Has never lied. He isn't about to start.  
If Andrew has to live with Tilda always in the corner of his eye, then so be it. She can't do more than be a minor inconvenience from beyond the grave.  
She hid his armbands once. He found them of the roof of their Columbia house. She had hoped to scare him, but all she'd succeeded in doing was giving Andrew a new spot to retreat to.

She can't hurt him. He refuses to let her.

Andrew has gotten good over the years at blocking her out, turning away.  
The meds, though.  
The fucking meds.  
They amplify everything, including Tilda, until somedays it seems like she's yelling in his fucking ear. So Andrew smiles wider. Ignores her screaming that _he is a monster, he is nothing, a sociopath, a freak, that Aaron hates him._ Really, it's nothing he hasn't heard before. Tilda, even in life, was never very good at creative insults. She's no better dead. The only good thing she's ever done died. (But even that she wasn't very good at.)

Andrew doesn't know if Aaron can see her too. The thought makes him see _red_. The idea that Andrew perhaps hasn't come through on his promise, that she's still around, still hurting Aaron- Maybe not physically anymore (she'll never do that again), but mentally makes him angry. So angry it is all consuming. It is infuriating. She is infuriating.  
When Andrew catches Aaron staring off into space, flinching back into reality, he wonders what the old hag is saying. Somedays, Andrew wishes he'd killed her himself. Picked up one of his knives and made sure she stayed dead. It's hard to watch over someone from prison though, so Andrew smiles and curses her name.

 

Stickball, fuck the sport, has it's upsides. Smashing balls away from his net and flinging them back at his teammates is therapeutic.  
Palmetto isn't louder than Eden's, doesn't drown her out so effectively, but it's better than the silence in Columbia, and Kevin Day and his shit-ton of issues and vodka bottles is distracting. Kevin has ghosts, though his are living hallucinations that egg him on from the sidelines of the court. He drowns them in alcohol again and again.  
Renee is interesting. She has her own ghosts too, but none quite so loud. She tells him her faith, her belief in her God, her prayers, drive the man she killed back home away. That he used to stand silently in the corner of her vision and sharpen his knives.  
Andrew doesn't believe in God.

If the other Foxes have ghosts whispering in their ears, they don't show it. He deems them boring. Tilda tells him he'll die alone. He welcomes the thought.

Neil Josten arrives, every bit a lie, god knows how many ghosts screaming.  
Renee prays. Kevin drinks. Neil runs. Andrew is high.

 

Neil Josten is a puzzle Andrew is determined to solve. He challenges him truth for truth. Tilda reminds him he could be lying. Everything that comes out of his mouth could be a lie, and Andrew would never know. Andrew doesn't know if he really cares anymore.  
Self-destructive has become his style. Neil is a ticking bomb. Andrew is desperate to be close to the blast.

Aaron kills Drake and Andrew is laughing because he's manic, because he's in so much fucking pain and he can actually feel something for goddamn once. Andrew is laughing and it's out of relief because Drake is dead and Tilda has disappeared. Aaron kills Drake and Neil shoves Andrew's hands up his shirt in a room full of people and tells him to trust him, leave Kevin in his care. Neil has ghosts that rival Andrew, but at least his are dead- all of them now. Neil's are still are very much alive and so are Kevin's and they loom out of the shadows and taunt them when the light fades.

 

Easthaven is _Hell_. Tilda makes a reappearance- Andrew should have known he wouldn't catch a break, he never gets to catch a fucking break- and she's not in the corner of his eye anymore. She's screaming right in his face, so angry spit flies. Andrew resist the urge to wipe his cheek, clean something he knows isn't actually there. Drake takes night shifts now, replaces Tilda, melts into her place, but unlike her, Drake doesn't yell. He is whispery calm in the dark of night and Andrew doesn't sleep for long anymore.

And then it's over and Neil is bruised and battered and picking him up with the others and Tilda is telling him the obvious.  _He left._ As one, he and Tilda make Nicky catch them up and he hates how she mocks him. Hovers at his shoulder.

The roof is a safe haven. Andrew imagines pushing Tilda off.

Neil is on the roof and Andrew isn't sure if he's real. Tilda is laughing. _Pipedream_ , she whispers and he believes it so whole heartedly he repeats it aloud. There is no way a boy like Neil Josten should be allowed to exist, there is no way he is anything other than a hallucination Andrew's mind has created. He refuses to admit it, but Neil Josten would be the only trick Tilda has ever played that could hurt him.

Neil Josten kisses the same way he plays exy.  
Like he has everything to lose.

 

Neil's ghosts come for him, just like Drake came for Andrew. He wishes that their ghosts would stay just that- ghosts. _Thank_ _you_. _You_ _were_ _amazing_. They are such seemingly insignificant words and Andrew is furious he failed to put together what was going on. He's furious. He chokes answers out of Kevin and then chokes him some more. Andrew doesn't want anything, but he sure would like to hurt someone.

Neil is back and Tilda took up _Thank_ _you_. _You_ _were_ _amazing_ , as her chant hours ago. Andrew pushes everyone aside to get to him, Tilda and Coach right on his heels. She has the gall to laugh at the sight of the burns and it takes every ounce of Andrew's self control not to punch the idiot in front of him, or the apparition to his left. They take in Neil's injuries and his blood roars in his ears. He couldn't save him, couldn't stop them,  _he was supposed to protect him._ Their deal may have ended but he should have realized. Bullshit if Neil thought he could do this on his own. Andrew is furious and Neil Josten is full of bullshit and Tilda breaks her chant to remind him he is too.

They are at the cabin and Andrew looks the ghost of Drake in the eye and pushes him of their bed. He is _nothing_ and Drake is gone in the morning.

Riko joins the ranks of Kevin's ghosts as his first dead one.  
Andrew tells him they'll all be dead someday.  
Kevin drinks some more.

Drake comes back sometimes. Pushes his way through the door to their dorm and these are bad days and Andrew can not stand the idea of being touched, but he endures them. Other days, Mary Hatford stands in their living room and rants so loudly Andrew thinks he can hear it. Luckily, Neil is a junkie and the court is far from the room.

Tilda isn't gone, but she is more smudge than _being_ these days. She is far quieter after Aaron starts and continues to join him for therapy sessions with Bee and Andrew wants to laugh in Tilda's face because Aaron still might not forgive him, but he _understands_ now. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> !! I've edited a bunch since posting the original because I'm a dumbass and didn't proofread again. The current version is the one i'm happy with, and I won't be editing anymore. !!
> 
> wowowowowow my first time posting a fic i can't believe these books ruined my life,,
> 
> i really want to explore this concept more and write something longer and better, but this was all i could get out for now. (title is from billie eilish's song, 'watch')
> 
> thanks for reading !! have a great day pals
> 
>  


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